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Designer: Joan Tong
Image: SilverPoot
Layout: Blogskins
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collection 1(22 nov)
lol dragged myself up at 7plus in order to help in newspaper collection.. was thinking that they need help.. but how wrong was i? quite wrong actually.. 1st block 474.. its was like so fast.. everything was completed within mins.. same goes for most blocks..

after lunch was giving out the flyers to blocks.. done in sections since lunch was with section.. cant believe hweebun and junyang actually went for lunch with their group first without waiting for us.. rah.. finished quite early.. far reach from what they expecet.. 5pm.. done at around 3pm.. then its discussion to go when.. to play.. guess where we end up? end up in huimin's friend's house playing asshole tadee with some playing mahjong..

i cant believe how similar life in all the aspect of various parts of my life.. sudden realisation.. when you are close to something, something will just pop up, blocking your way.. never allowing you to approach or proceed forward..

ironic.. my heart desires something and yet it desires it to never appear.. why so?

collection 2(29 nov)
to be done in section.. is that a thing to be happy? not to be if there was only 4 coming.. with shi rui's help, only 5 ppl.. 6 blocks is too much.. even 5 was hard.. in the end we only did 3 blocks.. we are too shorthanded.. dimissed after lunch..

after lunch to junyang's house.. from around 2pm we play bridge all the way until 6.30pm.. my legs ache..

desire..
desire to be torn..
desire to be held..
desires...

happy yet hurt..
hurt yet happy..
why..
i don know to smile or to cry..









after 5 days and 4 nights, i am finally back.. back in the comfort of my home.. this camp really let me learnt more about myself and stuff which i actually have not noticed in my life.. recovery.. not possible.. over rated it.. instead more injuries are suffered.. sunburn, bruises, sores, muscle ache, blisters and lack of sleep.. but no doubt i feel i have become stronger and a side of me that has not appeared before.. but it maybe the just the after effects of the mental pain.. to forget through crazy stuff.. so now lets see what happen in these 5 days.. beware, its a super long post..

Day 1 (17th nov)
first day.. stupid me.. yltc.. report in shorts.. which part did i not understand? why did i report in LONG pants? crazy la.. first thing in the day was not smooth.. the bag was harder to carry than i expect.. i really shouldn't have bought a big sling bag for camping.. very straining on my single shoulder.. ended up with total arm power.. 1 arm carry all haha.. sad ar.. having to carry such a big heavy bag.. lol guess what is the first activity? not ice breaker, not land expedition but pumping position down.. which is punishment.. hai.. wad a way to start yltc..

ice breaker games..
game 1: to form a shape using string with us as pointers.. its kinda hard if you want it to be perfectly nice shape.. moreover we had to do some with our eyes closed.. forced us to learn each others names quickly.. but haha i came up with a way which is to number each of us and use that number for easier moving.. whereas every other group is learning the names.. haha kinda bad and kinda good..
game 2: take a m&m and based on the colour it has, answer a question.. i got orange which is to ask the most terrible thing that happen to me.. lol i remember one colour is tell others your first crush.. omg.. the teachers like so ba gua..
game 3: get people to sign on the paper in the box which the person has that characteristic.. like have parents who are ex-njcians.. quite lame but a good way to learn more about each other.. but we like chionging the thing so we don even know who signed for us.. haha.. so pointless activity..

the great egg drop..
materials to build a container for the egg to survive a drop from second floor.. 20 straws.. a roll of tape.. a plastic bag.. some newspaper.. a box of crayon.. a pole.. a piece of white cloth.. okay this includes materials for making the flag.. idea to create buffer for the eggs when it drops.. so air was blown into the plastic bag but due to our test run, we burst it.. ends up we have to put so many tape to seal the holes.. lol with like a 5min making, we send it flying down and bye bye to the poor egg.. sianz ours was the only one that broke..

land expedition..
time to run around the whole of singapore.. first to leave the school but ends up everyone is still on the same bus.. 4 groups heading to the same destination.. lol but only 3 got on the bus haha.. the 4th group missed it.. Labrador reservoir, our first destination.. amazing race style haha.. with all our heavy bags.. first destination was thought to be wrong.. since no teacher was there when we reach.. turns out that after around 20mins of searching.. the teachers arrived.. LATE!!!! they never expected us to reach so early.. omg.. next stop chinese garden.. and its raining.. though it would be nice to go somewhere which i am familiar with but end up it just have to rain.. hai.. this time is still lost again.. the teachers just loves playing hide and seek with us.. end up soaked in rain searching.. good thing my bag is kinda water-proof since it has a double layer.. blisters started to show.. and hell the back of my shoes was stained with my blood.. good thing vampires don exist otherwise they will come after my shoes.. lol next stop vivocity.. lunch was there.. lol this time is the teacher who found us.. we actually missed her.. lol.. haha trip to vivocity= continues to sentosa!!! lol kinda waste of money.. tram ride in for less then an hour before leaving to head to changi.. the east coast hawker.. wad lagoon place.. don exactly remember.. but its a hell long route from there to our campsite which is the chamlot campsite.. that NHHS's sec 3 camp was held in 2006..

night cycling..
lol ours was supposed to be on tues.. tuesday!! due to poor group 4 being so slow, we had to take their place and cycle with our poor tired legs.. hai.. lol 40km ended up with around 25km route.. somemore we have to keep dismount and push lor.. so not fun.. lol my cycling really sucks.. kept lagging behind.. turn in at around 12.45am.. wake up time is around 7.45am.. 7h.. not bad actually..

Day 2 (18th nov)
sea expedition
kayaking!!! very fun!! just that its the bringer of pain.. pain.. pain from the sun.. sunburn.. hai.. 2nd injury of yltc.. sunburn.. turned dark in just an afternoon.. lol partner a girl from group8.. called pinfang? not sure.. don exactly remember her name.. haha at first we were like.. "shit we are drifting off again", " turn right, turn right/ turn left, turn left..", "omg overshot, turn the other side".. damn funny.. lol also lagging behind again.. lol then we came up with the dip right then we all dip right.. not bad, from then on we managed to stay in the middle.. haha but still the overshot problem persist.. hai.. we are like so sychronised with our rowing that one of the instructors actually asked if we are a couple?! wth i just only met her that day la.. lol after like rowing to bedok reservoir for lunch, we had to row back.. lol kept splashing seawater into my eyes, blinding myself.. haha.. stupid lor.. the instructor actually wanted all of us to stand on top of our kayak la.. back and front row individually was okay.. but everyone all stand was like kinda impossible for us.. failed terribly.. i end up falling into others' kayak.. haha.. good thing i dint fall into the sea otherwise i will have to say bye bye to my specs.. lol capsize.. forced to capsize.. lol capsize twice cuz when we are trying to get up from the first capsize, lol the kayak overturn again and off into the sea we go.. lol somemore we took out our socks and shoes and placed them in the kayak.. lol then it capsized.. lol one of my sock became a PR in the sea.. good thing our shoes float otherwise on wed, we will have no shoes.. haha..

leadership talk..
lol its more interesting then i expected.. the instructors were very funny.. though i was not exactly listening to their every exact sentence cuz my mind is tired.. ;p.. lol glad that they made us play games to learn and freshen our minds*( most of us are tired) first game was something called "do you know that..." a game that teachs us to speak up and over time once you get used to it, speaking up will be of no problem.. quite true.. nice skill to have.. game 2, a game which u get blindfolded and had to throw paper balls into a bin which u don know where.. haha.. damn messy.. we ended up throwing at the instuctor.. amanda actually hitted his head.. poor him.. track captain is indeed the track captain.. don under estimated her.. learnt that we need a leader to lead otherwise the person doing the stuff will not know what to do.. third game.. one which u are supposed to write a story with one person writing one word without communication.. haha the story that came out has totally no meaning at all.. super funny.. learnt that communication is need to accompolise things and we need people to initate otherwise nothing will be started.. 4th game was to build a bomb shelter with some balloons and new papers and some tapes given by the instructors.. they are super biased to one group la.. lol but it was supposed to be lesson.. one that tells us we should not be biased as it will lead to unrest and never to give the job only to the people which have proven themselves.. give the others a chance too.. very true.. i shall practise that from now on.. chance.. may the chance be given..

lol the final was a quiz that tells us wad kind of a leader is one.. sorted into 3 kinds of leaders with 14 questions.. 5,5,4 was my result.. so balanced ar.. so i am a mixed leader? don know.. so weird.. reporting time was around 7.45am on thurs since the others have to cycle around 40km.. lol my butt already hurt with 25km.. they are gonna feel the pain.. especially guys..

Day 3 (19th nov)
rafting..
first thing we did was actually to REMOVE our specs.. lol funny isn't it? we are afraid of it falling into the sea and becoming a PR there.. i rather be blind for a day rather than for a few days.. haha.. but somehow it was really a bad choice since we are being taught how to tie rope for the raft.. totally cant see a thing and of course wad did i learn? NOTHING!!! my poor group members have to tie but i can hold.. forced us to like cheer and sing for the ropes la.. the best group gets to have more ropes= more secure.. ok it depends on the structure too.. lol not fair.. suddenly we have to switch rafts around.. we ended with group 6's.. which was totally messed up.. not symmetrical.. and all the ropes are like tied weird.. instead of building a raft, we ended up trying savage it.. its quite a good savage i would say.. we managed to set sail on it without capsizing and we managed to get all 11 of us on it.. not bad.. not bad at all.. lol and we got first for the result rafting haha.. so ironic..

dragon boating..
lol dragon boat.. said to be 240kg.. that's heavy.. lol 4 groups was split into 3 since there was only 3 instuctors and too little ppl cant exactly move the dragon boat fast.. so in group 3 for dragonboat.. lol learnt 4 signals.. up, ready, dip, pull.. up was to hold the paddle up.. ready was to hold it in about to dip it into water position.. dip well dip la.. pull is row back lor.. haha then off we set then we are to create a new name for the dip and pull.. and we came up with.. red, bull.. lol redbull gives u wings.. lame.. so we end up shouting redbull while rowing to sychro our rowing.. pretty effective.. played some balancing games on the side of the dragonboat with rachel screaming.. and more screaming.. i was glad i was not sitting around her.. phew.. haha.. oops.. she better don see this post.. lol capsize practise again.. damn.. i was stuck under it.. someone whacked me.. and the stupid life jacket keep making me floating until i cant dive down and come out of the dragon boat.. good thing i held my breath before the capsize practice start otherwise u will not see this post.. though it may have been a good thing to die there.. then i will not have to undergo the pain anymore..

alumina talks..
expected to be like ex-yltc participants and should be j2-4.. the ex part was right.. but omg the age is a big no-no.. they are like 40-60 of age.. very experience ppl.. one was actually from the pioneer batch of njcians.. lol in the past yltc was supposed to be ELEVEN DAYS LONG!!!!!! omg.. is super long ar.. lol one of the alumina actually said that he didnt bathe at all in these 11 days.. pity his group mates.. endure.. lol that was something to be learnt.. endure.. endure all the pain.. sorrows.. anything.. and eventually that alumina became one of the instructors for yltc[yltc in the past was organised by students for students] lol and in order to prove to one of the participants in the past that nothing is impossible, he ate the cockroach that the participant asked him to eat.. omg i am not gonna pity him.. i pity the cockroach.. getting eaten from such a reason.. poor thing..

Day 4 (20th nov)
hai.. the PT that day was nasty.. done in mud.. ended up we have to change.. good thing i brought extra clothes so my clothes was enough..

rope course..
its divided into 2 parts: obstacle and high ropes

obstacle..
lol got 4 of them in total.. kinda stupid.. but nevertheless need some brain power.. not eye power.. also some muscle power which we are all full of.. thanks for toughing us up though the PTs..
1st: spiderweb
basically just to get though some net in mid-air.. lol didnt complete it since 2 of us was stuck inside.. we didnt plan it correctly.. taughts us how we must plan our stuff though i always does so.. but never has it went my way once.. hai.. cant believe i managed to squeeze though one of the tiny hole.. think i kinda have a small build..
2nd: buddha's finger
easy.. just get 2 tyres out of a pole that looks like a giant finger from the ground and back in again as many times as possible.. only did it 1.5 times.. cant believe i was actually one of the lightest in the group?! insanity.. i really have a small build..
3rd: some dorm thingy?![forgot the name]
just get up a bump in the concrete.. which has quite little space.. then the person holding the flag have to remind motionless while we need to move him to a ramp nearby.. kinda like carrying a corpse.. just that its alive..
4th:bridge?! [forgot name also]
this is really getting to be like the circus.. walk through a plank in mid-air.. this tests your balancing skills.. haha then all of us have to stand up there and sing national dream.. which ends up to be national scream.. haha some of the girls[i shall not name who] kept screaming and screaming while we sing and the teachers irriate us with grass and pour water on us.. its insane sia.. but we complete it.. as a group..

high ropes..
lol 1st was something that have to jump of a pillar and catch a trapzee in mid air.. its like so far.. and the rope was like so tight that i cant bend my legs and jump.. so ended up jumping like a zombie.. lol like that of course cant catch la.. climbing up was still okay.. its like a cat climbing up is easy.. but getting down makes my legs goes wobbly.. had a hard time trying to stand on the pillar.. wenlin was like crying until.. when she was standing on the pillar.. she cant jump.. and i thought i was the one afraid of heights[rachel too]..
2nd was like some circus stances.. done it before le though.. but its still as scary as ever.. standing on a line with 2 line beside u for support.. had to clap once, twice then eleven times.. waa.. its swaying.. lol but i am smart this time.. i just close my eyes and chiong ar.. haha.. if u cant see anything, there is nothing to fear.. lame but true.. i wish i could close my heart like my eyes.. then there will be nothing to fear..
3rd was bi-scaling[think my spelling is wrong].. done it before too so its nothing.. only the starting is abit scary.. leaning back toward nothing is very hard.. no sense of security.. but as i remember the words i read.. this feel like nothing.. to be exact i wish i would just fall off.. but still i held on, lowering myself as fast as possible.. i wonder why? auto self protect function?
4th was zip-line.. this is totally brain-less.. just stand, clip all the safety on, bend your legs and you go bye bye.. as you fly across.. and get saved by your friends..

campfire night..
had to perform that stupid skit which i will never go into details.. its a memory that i don wan to remember.. gonna seal it and destroy it.. the fire was abit.. hai.. it wasn't a campfire at all.. totally has no feel in it at all.. the fire actually burnt out before we even started.. stupid teacher snatched our flag and broke it.. broke it into 2 when we tried to snatch it back.. lol he ends up with a little memorial on his face.. most of the skit was so funny haha.. i am sure they don wan to be reminded of it too.. so may it be a memory for only yltc 2008 participants.. now below is one cheer of group 5 oohmm..[the one that we kept using]

Oohmm cheer 1..(to be done in a circle)
5,6,7,8(by the person starting)
chewy, chewy oohmm ba ba(strike out hand in the middle of the circle)
aiya, aiya, aiya, aiya ya(form ur arms into an L and shake your hands constantly)[change the L to the other arm with each aiya)
ta le tam oomph(soft)
ta le tam oomph(louder)
te le tam OOMPH!(shout with all your might and jump up)

Day 5 (21th nov)
omg all of us expected this to happen.. no reporting time given the day before.. this means time to get awaken in the middle of the night for some activities.. it was better than expected since it was not pt.. we had expected it to be pt.. lol ends up becoming the final challenge for the yltc shield.. 10km[i think so] race to find our flag and return to camp site.. lol ends up that all the scores we gathered for the last 4 days actually only determines our starting advantage only.. being the third gave us quite a nice advantage.. so we start off with a oomph.. our pace was good.. i thought perhaps we could win it if we continued.. but fate always have something in store for us.. one of our group eventually cant take the pace and got sent off with another member accompanying her.. then a guy need the toilet.. lol no guys' toilet was around and so he ended up using a girls' toilet.. lol.. kept being overtaken.. until 7th place haha.. lol we managed to hold up to 2nd place though..

at mid-point.. time to find our dear flag which was broken.. hai.. everyone only has to find 1 but since ours broke into 2, we had to FIND TWO!!!! lol.. not a problem though since the teachers don exactly know how to hide stuff.. so easy to find.. haha.. eventually both members that left, joined back in and some how we managed to overtake a group to claim 6th place, while singing cheers, songs and i don what.. haha.. crazy day.. took around 1h 50+mins to finish it haha..

next up was actually cleaning the boys' toilet.. haha its flooding like hell la.. after bathing for so many days, we have quite a lot of laughs in it as well.. with our slippers suddenly decide to make a break for it and start floating into others' cubicles.. haha laughter is enough to kill.. so much sand in the bathroom.. took a while.. around an hour.. lol and we are scheduled to clean it in 2hours.. we are fast sia.. the coach took awhile to come and yeah i kinda fall asleep while waiting and on the coach.. lol Sunday oomph group dinner.. looking forward to it..

-edit:paiseh by everyone on sunday.. made me wait at bugis for nothing.. rah.. lol it was changed to 25 nov.. sorry but its my father's birthday so cant go with you all..

spoils of YLTC

1.experience
2.leadership
3.concern
4.a new mindset
5. all the things mentioned above..

haha if you like the experience you just read, go on and try join yltc 2009? haha but if you have the same experience, it means 1 thing.. the teachers didnt improve it.. haha

there was not a moment i forgot what you have written to me.. almost at every moment that i zone out, the words pop up.. wouldnt it just stop.. i really wanted it to be just a dream.. a nightmare to be exact which will not appear in reality.. but no its not.. i don even know if i can face you again.. even when you are so far, i could hardly handle it.. if it was face to face.. i don wan to imagine it.. its a miracle that i didnt show this side out in these entire 5 days.. its so hard to smile with pain in your heart.. but i did it.. i am starting to become an actor.. its scary.. imagine that the person next to you might be actually acting.. its scary.. there seems to be nothing that you can trust.. the more you trust, the more likely to get hurt..

P.S. btw your eyes was not wrong to see the date on this post.. i start on this since the first day.. its just that i am lazy to finish it.. so that why it appeared so late..

























have you felt like an idiot? have you ever did something so stupid or crazy that you wish that you have never done it? or something so embarrassing that you wish to forget?

what would you do to let yourself forget? go emo in a corner? lock yourself in a dark room, hoping that you will blend into the darkness and disappear forever? or hug your pillow and cry until your tears run dry and its soaking wet? its a stupid thing to do..

with a pair of sore eyes.. i wandered in the dreams of mine.. no not dreams.. nightmares.. yes that's the right word.. nightmares.. how i wish my sub-conscious mind will stop reminding me of it.. continuous waking and falling back.. its a torture, a mental torture.. a night of sleepless.. a night of sorrow.. a night of nightmares mixed into reality.. i cant differentiate reality and nightmares.. not now.. since the past.. now its come true.. the nightmare is now a reality.. i wanna run.. run away from all these.. just quit it and go track.. then you can run away.. both mentally and liternally.. away from everything.. away.. from the source.. question mark now lies on my path again.. a split road.. which to take.. i refuse to make a decision now.. afraid that my emotions will get the better of me.. to make a decision that i will regret for enternity.. i shall wait until my body and soul becomes exhausted.. or for the other me to awaken..

once again another meaningless post..

tears are meant to flow..
memories are meant to be forgotten..
past is something to be seek after..
future is something to reject..

living in the past..
living in the present..
living in the future..
living in my mind..









all it takes is one word.. one word to bring me to the depths of hell.. one word to bring me to the skies of heaven.. one crazy word.. one crazy deck of cards.. one crazy result.. i may not say anything.. i may not do anything.. but just laugh it off.. but deep within my heart, its torn into shred.. shreds that is now a mess.. a mess that is enough to kill.. kill your heart.. kill your emotions.. kill.. kill.. kill.. lose it all.. lose everything.. block everything out.. block out all useless thoughts.. thoughts that does not matter.. thoughts that will only hinder you.. you.. come on.. this is your life.. don let others affect you.. block them out.. like how you did to yourself in the past.. why.. why.. why did you lock yourself up.. lock.. now the key is gone.. gone.. how to unlock it..

quit lying to yourself.. lying that you don need all of your personalities.. lying that your current personality is the correct one.. correct for? yeah for being crazy.. this is the worst path that you have chosen for yourself.. yourself.. you are an idiot.. an idiot beyond cure.. time for a change.. change back to the past.. people look towards the future.. but i don dare.. i am afraid.. afraid of what it holds for me.. scared.. i rather return to the past.. past which i know.. past which will not change.. which does not hold anything to fear.. so what if only sadness and sorrow is there.. its much better as compared to a life of fear.. fear of the possibilities..

confused.. my emotions are in tumoils.. i have always thought i am scared of something.. scared.. but yet its wrong.. wrong.. so wrong that i don dare to admit that i am wrong.. i rather keep it that way.. a way of baring people from getting close.. being too close is scary.. scary that they may know.. know all about me.. fear.. rejected.. rejected face off.. reject to get close.. reject all.. reject.. just reject.. keep a distance.. as far as you can..

i am sorry.. for abandoning you.. you.. my other half.. sorry about that.. for one whole year.. i thought i could survive without you.. but how wrong am i.. very wrong.. dead wrong.. i need you.. i want you back.. back to me.. i really regret abandoning you.. giving you up for this entire jc 1 year is stupid.. please unlock yourself and awaken.. awaken to protect me.. protect my heart.. before i go crazy.. crazy enough to..

a me that most don know.. resurface please.. a totally me me.. time for you to wake up, sleephead.. your current self can hardly take it any longer.. its breaking down..

P.S. those who know what am i talking about, mostly likely you are wrong.. there is TOTALLY no meaning in all these..

life is a dream..
one which turns into a nightmare..
time to wake up..
awaken to your senses..

unlock your soul..
yes..
the one within you..
to keep your sanity..









lol chalet, a place where you enjoy ur day with friends or family at a overnight stay in some "out of place" area(east) of course the place will have some entertainment.. lol just happen that cheap chalet(you know what are you) would not have it.. lol cant complain since its cheap and yeah our entertainment rocks man.. haha..

first my day begins with harmoc sectionals.. what a way to start a day.. so not interesting[not].. 11 nov is such a strange day.. going to huiteng's house for sectionals end up meeting zhi hao, my inno friend.. lol never knew he stay there.. haha now waiting for inno outing le.. countdown 37 days more.. so long ar.. yanjun seems so tired on that day.. i wonder if he already knew we are gonna celebrate his birthday le.. lol he seem kinda surprised and yet kinda already knew.. karaoke room for sectionals.. haha.. POS is so kiddy.. playing with the ampifier.. haha.. our ears have to suffer sia..

lol departing for the chalet was a long, long trip on the MRT to tanah merah.. then another long but considered short bus trip as compared to the bus.. haha subway for lunch.. supposing its the healthiest fast food as said by jiaying.. lol.. ended up shopping for clothes for yanjun since he forgot that there is s12 chalet?! lol funny sia.. lol chalet was like 2 bus stop away from changi village.. cant believe we are walking in circles while searching for the stupid chalet.. which we end up realising its not in the region we are searching for.. -.-lll

Fight 1
"the disgusting creature" quoted from zijia.. what is that? lol its no is not the bird, no its not the plane, no its not superman.. its a cat.. i got nothing else to say.. totally erm.. yeah lor..

Fight 2
lol next is the fight 2.. fight against? lol a super gigantic spider.. haha its like the ultimate size a normal house spider can get.. lol all of us lost.. but kahswee saves the day man.. it ends up in the rubbish bin lol.. poor thing..

Fight 3
lol fight3?! lol long can it get?! fight against the charcoal.. haha spam firestarters.. 20 plus ends up wasted.. lol it just refuse to burn.. not my fault.. k its all my fault.. cant blame me ma.. i not from uniform group de.. i am from inno.. inno i say.. lol 1st time starting is quite good le ar..

k barbecue.. i thought i said i will refuse to barbecue?! lol ends up i was with the few who kept on barbecuing for the sake of it.. until nobody wants to eat le.. haha how ironic.. until we have to feed all the cute cats that kept on surrounding us like hell.. so many haha.. at least 6 was there.. haha kittens are cuter but the adults one are like more impressive.. but they are bad.. refusing to share food.. bad cats.. especially the adults.. lol why attack me.. i fed you la.. hao xing mei hao bao.. hai.. ebil cats..

lol night cycling.. the ultimate.. i will never forget it man.. 1 sore butt.. 2 sore arms.. haha around 30+km of cycling from changi all the way to downtown east mac for well.. mac la.. lol..

Fight 4
lol another fight?! crazy le.. this is a chalet for goodness sake.. lol but its a fight against the ZzZzzzZ monsters.. haha a cycle to the morning la.. haha exhuasted everyone.. so many lost the fight against it.. i got the proof.. but no way you are gonna see it.. haha

never have i been once seen so many people who is happy to be the asshole and bitch.. haha asshole tidee[correct spelling? erm who cares].. haha cards games all the way..

changi village, a place full of memories.. with 08s12, new memories are found.. memories that are special.. a invisible bond now lies..

one long dark winding road..
one that never ends..
one that is fit for..
one who is a loser..

in the dark winding road..
thoughts flows..
thoughts of failure..
i will persevere..









life for the past few days = roaming around aimlessly(okay with some stupid aim but mostly just walking around looking) thanks to my 2 very pro and very knowledgeable secretaries.. thanks to both of you.. haha sorry for making both of you walk the area with me.. haha.. sorry about your salaries.. me a very poor boss.. so ur payment is that lor.. haha so now i will act like yan jun.. in the future if i ever become a boss, i will headhunt both of you down and hire you as my secretaries.. haha of course the pay will be good if i am a very qiang boss haha..

kinda stupid but yeah, it has to be done.. the search for the hidden treasure have now ended but now its only the puzzle that lies before it.. solve the puzzle before continuing.. haha..

next up class chalet.. a estimated 2 day + night of endless fun (includes slacking).. bound to be exhausted.. 3 day 2 night chalet but i will only stay 2 day 1 night.. sorry about that.. but yeah i got stuff i need to settle..

life is nothing but a puzzle..
a lifetime to solve..
without any guarantees..
for a life of success..

one aim..
two person..
one decision..
two results..









how far could one get with a substandard presentation? how far do you think? seems to be pretty far i supposed.. Monday.. a day of at last 2 dry runs and loads of practices ended up with an anyhow dry run.. and a afternoon of bridge all the way until 6plus.. haha wad a crazy idea and way to destress[slack] for today's OP.. haha but nevertheless its seems to work and OP was okay.. just okay.. only kena the weird qn only.. afterall only second time kena weird qb ma.. while others juz take the usual qn.. without a weird qn even once..

life is about what you are searching for.. that is the meaning of life.. the search.. but how happens if you can't find the thing you want? do you continue the search or give up? the easy is to change target or simply give up.. which way will you choose.. i am stubborn.. refusal to give up on the search.. i will keep going on, no matter how hard it will get.. how painful it maybe.. i will continue.. even though there will likely be no result..

futile search..
futile efforts..
futile resistance..
futile results..

a sour feeling, jealousy..
faked a grin..
acted as if nothing has happened..
why is this happening..









have you ever heard of the Pandora's box? i am quite sure most of you have heard about it.. a box that holds all sorts of evil, illness and pain.. all these were released into the world, leaving only hope left in the box.. all these led to pain and sufferings.. no matter how precious one is to the others, they will not be spared the sufferings.. even if these pain must be suffered, if only this pain could be shared.. no matter how little, as long as it could reduce the sufferings.. but there is nothing one could do about it.. all one can do is provide encouragement and stay by the side..

pain from the heart is juz as painful as the physical pain.. so how will u escape such pain or will u take it head-on? 2 choice,1 decision.. both may lead to the same outcome but definitely different experience.. experience.. in the past[primary school], experience was something i don wan.. i don care and definitely something i will give a miss.. but as time pass[secondary school], it ends up coming something i wan but guess wad.. not real life experience, but game experience which will let your character level up.. haha how ironic.. of course interest never beats passion and nature.. and experience was yet given up upon.. now [JC], experience is forced upon us.. learn to take it or should i say, learn to enjoy* it.. but no doubt some experience i wanted to have it.. but like i said is want.. as econs always says, scarcity.. so no doubt i will not get it.. just quietly wait until the day arrives.. or will it arrive in the first place..?

totally felt like an living dead or it is a dead that is living.. quoted from a manga..




if only i could suffer it in your place..
if only i could do better..
if only..

suffer the pain..
live the pain..
win the pain..
for the day without pain..