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Friday, January 16, 2009
the dreams
a new year.. new beginnings.. new dreams.. new future.. is this all really true? not only once but twice.. i have been reminded of my past.. once on 105 travelling back home.. a route that i have not touch in more than a year.. again on the bus.. my pri sch mate which i haven met for ages..
all these reminded me of the past.. remember the class when i just entered sch.. self introduction and eventually leading up to what kind of dreams do you have.. my past dream.. i remembered clearly.. it was to become a doctor.. never knew how foolish it was until i grew older.. the reality is harsher than it looks.. results is everything it seems.. at that time.. without good results u get nothing.. no dreams.. no future.. now its even worse.. not only good result.. recommendation letters and many other stuff is now needed.. if reality is good to u, it means it just luring u in deeper to crush you.. it has always been harsh.. never has it been once good to me.. not once.. not the past.. not in the present.. and most likely not in the future..
dreams.. again reminds me of the endless dreams i had since last year until now.. many dreams be it nightmare or happy dreams.. i cant never remember all of it even if i just woke up from it a moment ago.. like the present happiness in front of you.. it will just vanish.. but dreams that give a very sour feeling, i can always remember it, no matter how long it was ago.. just like the sorrow and pain.. no matter how hard you tried to shake it away.. it just stays..
as i recalled those dreams.. i never failed to become quiet and remain silent as i know one of these days, a even worser dream will appear.. or worse.. coming true in reality.. its fate.. its destiny.. one which i cant escape from.. no matter how hard i try.. i am a unrealistic person.. i always mix up reality and dreams.. there is once i woke up from a dream.. sad.. i was nearly in tears.. it took me a while before realising it was just a big scam.. a scam called dream.. but i still remember the dream.. vividly.. and who was involved.. the one who can affect me that much.. the main character along with another.. another... another.. another..
but yet dreams have so much alternative endings.. the same dream could lead up to how many endings.. almost unlimited.. i suppose.. afterall its a dream.. one should not take it seriously.. but i cant.. it feels too real.. too real.. emotional pain is much worser than physical pain..
i heard your words and his.. i saw your hands and his.. i felt the pain.. i walked away..
i could still feel your warmth in my arms.. i could still see the pain in your eyes.. i could still remember your word you said.. but all i could do is hold you gently, close to me..
